Horror is the fundamental uncertainty that surrounds our lives. A presence which lingers beyond the edge of understanding. It is the fear that creeps into our thoughts in the dead of night. This primal fear, lying at the heart of existence, is the essence of horror.
For me, the inability to understand the nature of the universe, or my place amongst it,is maddening. That everything I love may or may not vanish when I take my final breath, horrifying.
I’m never engrossed in the world the way I wish to be. Instead, I’m an observer, standing on the outside and looking in at people living their lives, wondering why we bother to do any of it.
We all possess a tenuous grasp on reality, one that can be shattered at any time by forces beyond our control. Every moment is one misstep away from becoming horrific. As I chronic ruminator, I replay each scenario I experience ad nauseam, wondering how I might have changed the outcome, as if the outcome were important.
This piece makes me sound like a buzzkill, but I’m a cheerful guy who smiles more than anything. Jokes are my lifeblood, and comedy is my go-to medium. There’s just this darkness lurking behind it all, forcing its way through when the day’s distractions have faded away.
It’s those thoughts that fuel my writing. I inject humor into some of my stories, like Madness From the Sea: Cthulhu’s Lure. This helps me cope with the darker aspects of my mind. Other times, as in the case of my latest novella, There’s Something Here From Somewhere Else, it’s rather dark the whole way through.
My writing contains existential themes, but I ground them in relatable struggles. A cosmic monster and a little girl who wants to fit in, or a failing marriage, which leads to a doomed voyage that could end life as we know it. It’s important that my stories reflect both the absurd and the commonplace, because both consume me as a person.
Of course, horror wears many faces. My early life was surrounded by chaos, aggression, and fighting. Depression was a constant struggle, but I always tried to look on the bright side. I clung to this silly notion that all humans were like me—well intentioned, decent, caring.
When I learned that wasn’t the case, it took a toll. I fell in with a dangerous crowd, turned to drugs to cope, and watched the world crumble around me. My friends became thieves, compulsive liars, and convicts. Some overdosed, leaving their lives and their worlds unfinished.
The most horrific moment of my life was when I overdosed. I was forced to face my existential fears, while coming to terms with the person I had become and trying to steady my breath. This experience stuck with me, and influenced the concept of my upcoming novel, Valley of the Spun.
Fear not, those demons are long since conquered. The point I’m trying to make is that horror comes in many forms. It’s not always a physical monster, or a particular fear. Sometimes it’s the daily darkness which surrounds us, other times it’s something indescribable, but it is always, unmistakably, horror.
My writing is still in its infancy, but I plan to explore every aspect of what horror means to me in the years to come, spanning a variety of topics which are dark, funny, horrifying, absurd, gory, relatable, and maybe even sexy!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this peek into my disturbed mind and that you’ll join me on my writing journey. Connect with me anytime on:
Twitter @JonathonTCrossFacebook
Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/jonathontcross)
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